I needed help with a miracle and I knew exactly where I could go to get some.
I find it is much easier to talk candidly around the stones of a grave-site and I find the neighbours unobtrusive and rather soothing, even though I cannot see them. When I go to visit my mom, I just chat, words form and spill and it doesn’t matter if they are in any form or shape, I know she knows what I’m really trying to say. Because I like the company, I often bring all spirits into the conversation. She was buried this past September… (2014). Her plot has not been seeded yet so it’s still easy to find her between the rows. And… I still need her.
This time the advice was not for me per-say. I have a friend, one I have known since high school, who suffers undeniably from TBI (traumatic brain injury) and TIA (transient ischemic attack) and ultimately, the tertiary results of including major pain, depression, anger, rage and etc.
He is a true sweetheart and when we are ‘hanging’ out together the boy I knew is still there, he is comfortable, like a worn sweater in front of a cozy fire. Most adorable and funny as hell, with a Steven King sort of sense of imagination, which I LOVE. I had such a crush on him in high school which, sadly, ended when I felt he blew me off one too many times overall. I don’t beg and I don’t stalk. I let go. Once we graduated I heard he got married and that was that, until recently, 30 years later.
He was in an accident shortly after he got married. Was hit in the side of the head by large piece of metal, I believe, that came flying from a hoist and chain that broke at the work site, knocking him flat to the ground and into a coma. Why this happens and how random that is, is what blows me away. It took years of hard core recuperation, never to recover to his full self again.
After 20+ years he has given up. Doctors and medications have failed him so many times on so many horrid levels he just refuses to even consider another moment in an office of any sort other than to refill his prescriptions as is. And his family… after years of hearing him speak of it day after day they just got bored or irritated and fed up, they too have given up. Its hard to blame anyone really, you cannot see it, no one can, its not a disfigurement or a missing limb and you get good at masking the pain and rage. But my friend, he is ready to blow. That frightens him and me.
This all pains me to no end and, oddly, interests me at the same time. You see I am a part of the alternative medicine movement (which should not be called alternative as it is the ORIGINAL medicine but that’s a whole other story). I have oodles of friends and researchers and information of advancements made in all areas of alternative medicine. I also have an eager mind and want to know things, learn things, figure things out or at least in the very rarest of forms, find balance. I also love with all of my heart. I would be the perfect friend/mate for someone who has lost everyone in his life due to years of trauma, ill-education and/or dealing with an anger and pain. But, you see, I refuse to allow anyone to become idle in their lives no matter who or what you have been through and I demand you meet me half way, of course.
My sweet friend has lost his ambition to meet half way and that is where we stand today.
So, I asked my mom and her new earth mates to help him. At the very MOST, a miracle. HE NEEDS A MIRACLE! At the very least he requires a guiding hand to a place where he can maybe gain some semblance of trust and a desire at living rather than wishing everyday to be in a pine box.
With the help of some well-set intentions and divine intervention from the spirit world, I feel comfortable in knowing that they, my mom and her winged neighbours, will help in whatever shape or form that it is supposed to take. Even if it means the miracle is a natural, quick, painless death… Sounds morbid I know. But really, unless you walk in those shoes or bedside them for even a short period of time, you cannot judge that comment.
He has told me every day, that he is a monster and I should not have anything to do with him. I did not want to give up, still don’t and I hung on, meeting him PAST half way. But he blows me off. (just like in high school, sigh). He simply CAN NOT. I get that, kinda.
Today, I finally decided to listen to my dear friend and I ache in places I never knew I had. I know, without doubt I can help find him some balance but he has to believe in himself and that he does not.
I will mourn him every day of MY life whether he is with the living or not because of the damage done, but I don’t love him any less for it. In fact, I love him more. I am so proud of every step he has taken and will take from this point forward, no matter what. He deserves love and he has mine. In spades!
If any of my faithful four readers have any conviction in miracles, please ask for one for my friend. I would really appreciate it.. Thank you.
There is BOAT LOADS of information and if you know someone or are that someone who suffers everyday, do not be afraid to join a group in your community or on-line with people who have lived through similar traumas. Find a mentor and most of all, do not give up. Changes happen everyday.. advances are made everyday.. Big or small, I believe miracles can happen.
Enjoy the day like it was a do-over and you got everything just right!
Love you all. Smooch!