I was not dreaming, in fact I knew I was awake because I had just let the dog outside, filled her water bowl, and got a glass for myself. I was very lucid and well aware of the world around me.
At 3:10am Nals started growling. I thought she was dreaming so I left it and waited until she simmered. Her head lifted and she continued but louder. I tried to hear what she could hear but her growls were turning into yips and barks. She hopped off the bed, went directly to the back door and barked three times, very loudly.
Okay okay, outside it is. But as soon as I opened the door her hackles went down, she found her favourite spot, made her circles and slumped down with a huff laying her head on her paws as if to sleep. What the??
I shrugged. I figured I’d not sleep while she was outside for 10 minutes or so but I crawled back into bed and stuck my chilled feet where a warm furry body once was. Ahhhh felt good. I checked my phone again, counting the hours to morning, as we humans usually do, and then rolled over to close my eyes and rest a bit while Nals cooled herself in the night air.
I heard it then. The sound of voices. Women’s voices I thought. I moved my head in the direction but could not quite catch where it was coming from. Outside I assumed. I held myself still, slowed my breath and listened. I knew there were three but I could not hear the words. The voices were melodic, not choppy like drunk teens or loud in spurts like neighbours chatting through open windows or greeting each other outside. The natural human nuances were not there. It continued, non-stop for about a minute, maybe more. I tried to shallow my breathing and will my ears to open wider so I could hear the words. It was understood they were ‘discussing’ me, that was clear in my head. I knew they had come to make some decisions about me but what, I don’t know. That bothers me a bit now.
I’m not sure when they stopped or if they did, I just remember letting Nala back in, crawling back into bed and dreaming that I should visit my grandmother more. So I guess I will.
I don’t find this weird or out of the ordinary in any way. I am a true believer that spirits or entities or energies walk?/er float?/ er exist? among us. I feel safe with them there. I know they cannot judge, don’t even know what it is to judge. They know that all our choices, our mistakes, our triumphs are just part of the scheme of things and they are simply there, helping us fumble our way through.
I often think that when I ask questions or demand changes, pray for miracles or just say thank you that they don’t understand what it is my words are saying, but instead, feel my emotions behind the words. It is why I stopped. If I dont have a sincere deep set emotion behind the words then I just stop. They wouldn’t understand anyway.
I have been working back through the rolodex of my mind to find when the last time I actually felt real emotion. It was anger. Anger pfffft, not even remotely close to the word Id use. RAGE was more like it. Rage was my most recent emotion and it was after walking in the FRICKEN DISGUSTING HORRIBLE NASTY ASS WIND!! One of the very VERY few things I actually HATE on this planet.
So then were they discussing that? That extreme anger that sent my head in a tail spin of pain and me under the covers in a flood of tears. HATE wind with a passion I cannot explain.
Maybe they are putting the plans into motion to have me move to a place with more temperate weather. That would be nice. I don’t know what I really want and haven’t felt real intense emotion, like my wind rage, since the moment my mom passed. By then I had had enough and been feeling a bit like a zombie since.
I am ready to know what is to come in my life. I would love to be able to hear the voices of the three entities in my house, maybe chat with them for awhile. I’m tired of being too much human, it’s too much and not enough all at the same time.