I need a sign. NOW!

I know I am ready to jump into a new adventure.  I’m ready to pack up and start over. I always am.

Or am I?

I love my little old home.  Nancy's phone photos 207The way the couch is perfectly situated for afternoon naps in a sun beam,  the way the dust motes dance over and above my head when I sit at the dining table.   My yard is an absolute paradise, fruit trees and herbs and shade and sun, big deck, a little lawn and a place for me to breathe.   So why then? Why do I have the itch to move?  To change?

You will notice that I didn’t mention my job.from phone 2015 456.jpg

Sadly, it is the ONE thing that keeps that beautiful little home running. It is not a happening place anymore.  Without going into much detail, I will say this.  I am NOT advancing in any skills whatsoever except how to fuck the time clock all day long.   I’m bored.

I try to work on my own things, personal learning, but its hard.  I’m constantly on guard trying not to get caught, with a hovering negative entity constantly swarming around and a very nervous post doc who drives me crazy with all the pacing and worrying (which is the PRIME reason why he does not get a job-  zero confidence in himself or his abilities).    By this time in July the staff of once a whopping nine will have significantly diminished to just two of us.  I will NOT survive.  So I have to move on.

Do I want to find a new position and stay in my little home in windy Lethbridge or should I finally get my ass out of town and into the mountains where I belong?

I sat at my kitchen table, morning sun beam in my eyes and my usual happy moment is filled with concern.  I want a new step.  I want to wake up with trees and be heremountains and water instead of traffic and sirens and neighbours so close I can smell their laundry detergent every time they do laundry.

And I would like to go for a walk with less wind.  Pleeease.  No more wind.  Just for one day.

So do I leave? Ooooh the what ifs?  Have I become that nervous post doc?

I need a very distinct sign.  Right now.

Do I go.  Do I stay.

Right now.

 

 

 

RIGHT NOW!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s